fragile receptacles
Wednesday, June 2, 2010 at 6:11AM Watching or reading the news always seems to devastate me in some way. Besides that, most news outlets in the US seriously filter what's reported. I don't know if the news I'm getting is entirely true or some watered down story.
When I was a child, the news literally made me sick. My stomach would be in knots and I had an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. I remember watching the news during Desert Storm. I didnt understand why we wanted to kill each other and certainly didn't understand the point of war. My mind went even further and the thought of a nuclear war sent me to bed with a stomach ache. But, not before asking God that we didn't blow up the planet. Yes, my pre-adolescent mind went that far. I eventually realized I needed to simply leave the room when the news came on.
As an adult, I've avoided the news and television for the most part. My main reason being the fact that it's so saturated with pessimism, fear, and half truths. I recently remembered my devastation from it as a child and put the two together. Now I'm wondering.... Do people ever really change in a significant way? It seems the things and people we experienced as children stay with us as long as we live. Certain traumas and experiences live in our cells waiting for a moment to be expressed. Particular experiences and events cause a certain physical reaction from my body. Insecurities I had as a child are still with me as an adult. I've noticed that in others as well. Of course as an adult, I tell myself I have more control over things but am I digging deep enough for change to be significant? I tell myself I'm not bothered. But, at times I don't think I've mastered detachment, I've only become numb. For me, being numb is almost like denial in an emotional sense. You still feel it on some level but at the surface you ignore just enough to be functional.
How much of who we are as adults stem from things we experienced as children? Realizing this was a bit heavy for me. I usually wonder about why I do the things I do and why I think the way I think. Sometimes, even when I know why, I still find it difficult to not do certain things.
Children are so fragile and impressionable. They're basically little receptacles, collecting experiences and behaviors that they'll later express as adults. How does one truly change the impact of previously experienced events so as to live without hindrance or programming?
In the past, I've wished for a clean slate. Maybe that's the problem...so much attachment to the past which some say isnt even real. Maybe we're holding on to an illusion and allowing it to alter the present....
Reader Comments (1)
"How does one truly change the impact of previously experienced events so as to live without hindrance or programming? "
You practice, placing it in a space, where it can't jump out and frighten you. Most folks call this art :)