When I wake up in the morning, clarity is vivid and unbashful. It's like I've just returned from a place where truths are evident and unhidden. I know I've done more than sleep. I visit places that freely expose potentials and possibilities. This exposition isn't solely about me, it pertains to this world. This sense of clarity usually wears off as my day goes on. Lately, it has gifted me with random visits at various times during my day. I'd like to keep it with me all day. This keeping is part of my evolution. You experience this clarity as well. When you wake up, you know yourself better than when you went to sleep. Your body and spirit are excited about the possibilities of the day. If you could write about how you feel, you could almost end every sentence with an exclamation point. 

When my clarity isn't kept, subtle forms of anger take its place. I discovered it's easier to be angry than sad. They both deplete, but one feels more controllable than the other. I know the sources of both. It has to do with impatience. I want things to be how they could be...but I want it now. Not just for me, but for this world. I feel like time is running out for both and this causes anxiety. Then I realize everything is perfect. I'm evolving. The world is evolving. Evolution takes time. 

 A magnitude 8.8 earthquake in Chile?! I feel compassion for the people and animals displaced, injured, or killed by natural disasters. I also feel deep compassion for planet Earth. We humans haven't been very kind and we continue to disregard huge warnings.  At a ridiculous rate, we are creating unprecedented damage...killing trees, over-using fossil fuels, disrespecting other forms of life, and creating garbage that will remain on this planet long after we're gone. Earth is bound to react with climate changes and natural disasters. 

I wish more people would think of this planet as an actual living creation instead of thinking it's just a place where we happen to live...

It allows, nourishes, sustains, and creates life. Lately, we've been reminded of it's ability to do the opposite. 

(more photos...)

''Vaccines are the bedrock of the pharmaceutical industry's profit centers. Through vaccines, the drug companies can ensure generations of future profits from diseases that are promoted or worsened by vaccines: Alzheimer's, cancer, Parkinson's disease, and so on. Intelligent, informed people everywhere are saying NO to this vaccine...Where scientific credibility is lacking, fear is being invoked in its place.'' - Natural News

These images were taken with a Yashica Electro 35. I really love this camera, the body is beautiful. It even has two lights that tell you if you're over or under exposed.  This is a brilliant feature considering the camera was made decades ago. Before digital and even before shooting on "auto", you had to be pretty good at pairing the correct shutter speed and f-stop. Out of 36 images, I only had two that were underexposed. 

A few images from my first roll of film....

So did they deserve you?

Did he, did any of them, deserve you? I mean it's true that you might have deserved attention, you might have deserved a night out, but what about them? Did they deserve you and your energy and your time? Had they worked to be with you, to earn a place in your heart?

I think you deserve a man who isn't afraid of you, and who isn't afraid of everything that brought you pain, and who will face that pain with you, no matter how ugly it is....

--Asha Bandele

At age 14, I read Les Miserables. I was so intrigued by the behavior of the characters, I finished it in two days. My 14 year old mind was entertained by the compassion, lies, and corruption. I couldn't put the book down and was disappointed at the last page. Not because I wasn't pleased, but because I was finished.

At 18, I was extremely excited when I heard there was movie. But, I couldn't tell you anything about the movie or its characters. I walked out before it had even played 10 minutes on the screen. I didn't like the way they changed an exchange between Jean Valjean and the priest regarding the stolen silverware. 

Whenever I watch a period piece, my mind tries to find similarities between the past and present regardless of the movie being fact or fiction. In life, progression from past to present can be easily seen in style of clothing, technology, and certain liberties given to certain people. 

For most, humans think we've changed because we no longer dress the same. We think we've changed because segregation isn't so obvious. We think we've change because certain people can vote. But, if you think about the most basic drives in human behavior...you'll see similarities in people from the 1400's and people today. You'll see the same fear, jealousy, and deceit. You'll also see the same compassion, forgiveness, and love.

The saying "there's nothing new under the sun" is so ridiculously true. And while I dislike being the bearer of bad news, humans haven't changed. We've made advances in medicine and technology...but we've remained the same essentially. However, it does feel good to feel like were progressing. I'm one who hopes that one day the shift will be so great, change is inevitable. But, even while typing that, I was uncomfortable. Change is usually difficult or takes some adjusting. For humans, change might involve disagreement, conflict, rebellion, and maybe even lost lives. 

I think true change and evolution will occur when egos subside. I think change will occur when people are comfortable believing things their parents didn't believe or teach them. Of course, written words are easier than actual actions. My ego annoys and angers me at times. Sometimes it stifles, welcomes fear, and continues habitual actions that no longer serve me. Sometimes, convincing myself of something I was never told or taught as a child is difficult. I guess even in this, there's nothing new under the sun. I'm human. I guess all we can do is continue this path the best way we know how. I grateful for optimism, it was a necessary gift given to the human race. 

I've thought about this a lot. By this, I mean chemicals and how they influence behavior. I do know that part of how we behave is due to environmental factors. But, I wonder how much our DNA and brain wiring influence our behaviors socially, emotionally, or mentally. 

Of course, most of us know the difference between right and wrong...but it seems that chemical imbalances can cause impulses that seem difficult to control by some. For example, a young woman who cant stop pulling out her own hair (Trichotillomania). It's equally an impulse like someone who constantly craves sex, right? 

This leads me to question fairness and morality. Those who are more chemically balanced than others will find it easier to be "morally correct". Some who are imbalanced might find it difficult to abide by social norms and rules. Science even says that most pathological liars have a chemical imbalance or faulty wiring of the brain. Science also explains how chemicals allow some animals to be monogamous while others can't. So, when do personality characteristics stop being faults or "sins" and become acts of nature? Basically, some are dealt what seems to be a bad hand. Chemicals could also explain why we're attracted to certain people, even a certain sex. They even explain why some feel more deeply and passionately, while others feel almost nothing.

I am aware that some are simply devious and choose to lie, steal, and cheat regardless of science. I'm also aware that many are who they are... chemically, physically, socially, emotionally...entirely. I believe it takes discipline to change who we are, if changing is even truly possible. I recently had a conversation with a friend who said, "people don't really change, they just add alterations". Sometimes, I think change is simply suppressing or covering up. Sometimes, I think change is real. 

We invented rules, suggestions, and religious commandments. All with the hopes of making us respect our own lives and the lives of others. Then we become angry with ourselves when we fall short. We become angry with others when their shortcomings hurt us. In essence, people are judging something God created and then blaming the human who cant seem to control what God did. 

When we operate with in any relationship with good intent and try hardest to learn ourselves, flaws & all, we begin to not blame anyone outside of ourselves, but to realize that we have attracted a certain partner only to achieve a lesson. The lesson usually reveals something about ourselves that we've tried to avoid (relationship after relationship) by blaming others. These lessons do not discriminate between gender, nor is your mate doing something "to you". He/ she is experiencing their own patterns. In essence, maybe we should pay more attention to our patterns of being victims or hurting others and get to the core of the thing. The mate you attract/attracted was designed specifically for you. He/she will bring all good and bad things you are to surface.

The previous paragraph is composed of tweets from @fatbellybella, also known as Erykah Badu. Its the answer to a question I've been thinking about all week. Mercury is in retrograde and some old feelings reared their ugly heads. They're feelings I hid somewhere and couldn't seem to find them until recently. I was actually ''fine'' until this recent cosmic event. These old feelings eventually allowed me to correspond with a person from the past. We shared time and space, briefly. It ended because he was also sharing his time and space with others, simultaneously. 

I thought, how could someone do this to another person they claim to love? But then I read, "nor is your mate doing something "to you". He/ she is experiencing their own patterns." It made complete sense. I attracted this particular person to learn a particular lesson about myself. He attracted me as well. 

I realized, this person was simply doing what he does. He was experiencing his own pattern. I was as well. While acting out our own patterns, our paths happened to cross and the patterns continued. I think many of us want to be the person that causes the other to end their painful patterns. When we don't, we think we failed. We take it personally and ask ourselves ridiculous questions that have no relation or effect on the outcome. I know why I attracted this person into my own experience, he mirrors someone else in my life. I learned a great deal in the process. Sometimes learning isn't easy or free of pain. However, learning is about perspective and honoring the knowledge you receive. I don't think any amount of words, paragraphs, sonnets, monologues, or even dialogue will help my past partner understand or realize how his pattern affected me. After all, they are his patterns and they seem to work for him. I've also come to realize that making another "realize" is not my job. I am to understand how the lesson relates to me, what it shows me, and how I can avoid repeating it. 

Realizing this brings clarity. It helped me understand that this person does what he does, I just happened to be someone he did his behavior/pattern to. In this space in time, I strive to learn the complete lesson so that my pattern ends and my path only attracts certain people, free of certain patterns.