even when they're ugly

food is an amazing thing. for some its consumption is a hobby, a way to pass time, or a social activity. it has the power to heal and the power to make one sick. for others, its consumption is solely for survival. 

i love food, tremendously. in the act of loving it, i also used it as a distraction or a tool for suppression. food is so powerful, one can use it to hide or ignore emotions and feelings that need addressing. emotions are like air-filled balloons that a person tries to hold under water. as a child i was very emotional. i think it frustrated my mother who had no idea what to do. i had all these bright red balloons of emotions floating at the surface. i think eventually i grew tired of them as well and started to submerge them. at least then, no one else could burst or disrupt them...

...funny story about "hurt feelings". you know how you get that sore lump in your throat when you cry? as a kid, i thought those were my "feelings". when someone made me cry or hurt my feelings, I'd rub that part of my throat and say, "you're making my feelings hurt." kids are brilliant....

...back to the food....i pretty much eliminated almost everything i love to eat. in the process i also added most of the things my body needed. because pain and illness are exhausting, this change was necessary for me. in addition to healing my body, i realized a lot. when i couldn't eat things that pleased me emotionally, i was left with nothing and everything if that makes any sense. i had to actually ask myself, "what do I really need right now" or "what am i feeling". one particular day i experienced a huge release. coupled with being hormonal, i found myself crying at random intervals of the day while eating veggies. sometimes the slightest thing could set me off and emotions were released. since i couldn't eat certain things to make me "happy", feelings were allowed to surface on their own, without my permission. 

if you're craving food when you're not hungry, chances are you might be suppressing something. many of us are lonely, sad, uninspired, or feel unloved. it's amazing what we as humans are capable of hiding from ourselves, the thinker of our own thoughts. also, "the most deceptive and misunderstood feeling is boredom. it is often other feelings in disguise." (Calvin Banyan)

emotions are resilient...they don't fade or disappear. they'll show up eventually. they are actual energy created by the mind. don't be deceived. once created, they exist. if they're not expressed, they'll reside in your body, your cells, and your organs. they even alter the energies around your body. think about how magnificent that is. your brain creates and recalls emotion based on your interpretation of an event. what's tricky is that the sub-conscious mind might recall an emotion, place it with a "familiar" situation based on your interpretation despite the fact that the two don't really go together. this leads to reacting to situations instead of responding to them. 

food isn't the only distractor. some of us puff, sip, have sex, work too much, get into relationships, or find anything in the vicinity to distract ourselves from ourselves. sometimes, i think it's even worse for men. they seem to suppress so much, they've become these beautiful bodies...stoic and void of emotions and feelings. 

remember, emotions are lovely even when they're ugly. we're capable of expressing, letting go, and giving ourselves what we need to move forward...

and this is something to ponder: since America has a serious problem with obesity what does that imply? besides the fact that most of our food is garbage, what are the emotional implications of our country being so fat? what are we missing as a nation? what arent we addressing?...